"Hanging Fire" by Audre Lorde

I am fourteen
and my skin has betrayed me
the boy I cannot live without
still sucks his thumb
in secrect
how come my knees are
always so ashy
what if i die
before the morning comes
and my mommas in the bedroom with the door closed.

I have to learn how to dance
in time for the next party
my room is too small for me
suppose I die before graduation
they will sing sad melodies
but finally
tell the truth about me
There is nothing I want to do
and too much that has to be done
and momma's in the bedroom
with the door closed.

Nobody even stops to think
about my side of it
I should have been on Math Team
my marks were better than his
why do I have to be
the one
wearing braces
I have nothing to wear tomorrow
will I live long enough
to grow up
and momma's in the bedroom
with the door closed.

I chose to read and analyze this poem because it was about a 14 year old like me, and I felt like I could maybe relate to the poem.  In this poem, this girl seems very stressed and not happy with herself or life.  All she does is complain, and I don't think she see's any happiness in life.  She talks about "what if I die" "suppose I dies" which leads me to think that she wouldn't mind dying.  There is a lot of "what ifs" and "should haves".  She also seems very distressed.

I believe that the girl in this poem is african american because she says "how come my knees are always so ashy", and african americans usually talk about having ashy knees.  She also says "my skin has betrayed me".  This also leads me to think that she could be of different race because this could mean color of skin.  I also think it could be acne because that is a teenage problem and that is what most of this poem consists of.  She also seems to care a lot about her mom and is upset because her mom isnt there to help her.  She wants her mom to come and help her deal with these teenage problems.  The author makes us feel like we are inside the girls head because it seems just like a mixture of jumbled thoughts.

Poetry

In English, we are starting our poetry unit.  The last time we studied Poetry was in 6th grade and I struggled with it.  We had to write about 10 different types of poems and make a little booklet.  Then we had to present and read these poems out to the class which was quite embarrassing because my poems usually arent that great. I would love to become better at writing poetry over this next quarter because I think it is such a cool way to express your thoughts and feelings, and when it's done right it sounds amazing.

The poetry book that we got in class is really nice, new, and clean; it makes me want to annotate them.  It's interesting to try to figure out a poem because I feel like i'm trying to figure out a puzzle.  It's almost like your trying to crawl into the authors mind to try to figure out his thoughts.  I hope poetry becomes more fun and less of a struggle this quarter so I can focus more on enjoying it.  I also hope that I can become better at writing poems and to be proud of the poems that I write.

150 minutes (The Fish poem and 79 pages in Fake Boyfriend)

Hunger Games and "Out of this World"

On Friday, my friends and I went to go see the Hunger Games!  I was so excited because the hunger games series are my favorite books and the two main guy characters, Gale and Peeta, are very attractive!  We went to the Rave and should have gotten there earlier because we had to sit on the second to first row.  It always hurts my neck to sit that close, but I was just so happy that I got to see the movie.  Thankfully not a lot of people talked in the movie because that is one of my pet peeves.  The best part was that the movie lived up to my expectations.  Normally books are so much better than the movies and I end up not liking the movie, but the makers of this movie did an AMAZING job.  It lived up to my expectations and didn't leave out that much.

On Saturday, we had a Baton Rouge Cotillion dance. The theme was "Out of this World" which is like space themed.  We all got ready at Taylor's house, but Trinity and I got there a little too early because we got to her house and no one was home, so we just sat outside because it was so pretty and made her sadies sign to ask her date.  When everyone got to her house we probably had ten tries of trying to get our glitter eye makeup right.  My outfit was really cool because my shirt lit up to the music.  Most people were dressed in morph suits which made me want one!  It was also beyond crowded to where i litterally could not move at one point.  One weird moment I had was these three bigger guys started circling Maddie, Taylor, and I and started singing to us…it was strange and we couldn't help but laugh.

My weekend

On Friday we threw Taylor a surprise party.  It was at CCL.  Im so proud of our grade for keeping it a secret because  they kept giving hints away.  Of course Taylor didn't know anything because she would never think of us planning something this big!  It was sucha fun party and everyone had a blast.  The cake was delicious and they had pina coladas.  After the party was over we got T-shirts and they were really cool.

Saturday morning I woke up and went to Tumbling.  Hannah Lee (our instructor) accidently came at 10:00 when were supposed to come at 11:00 so she left the gym at 10:45 when we came at 11:00.  She didn't show up until 11:20, but after all of the confusion we started to prepare for Tryouts.  I threw all my tumbling and we practiced the chant, cheer, dance, and jumps.  We tried to get Taylor to throw her backhandspring, but she has mental block.  After we left tumbling I went home and showered and then all my friends came over to get ready for the Elan party  It was western themed so we got all of our western attire on and headed on to the party.  Once we got there, we almost didn't get in because we forgot this white piece of paper we were apparently supposed to bring.  Thankfully, Mrs. Cory saved us and got us in.  Once we got into the party it was fun, but started to get less fun because the DJ started to play a lot of country music.  Then we all went home and went to bed because cheer tryouts were in the morning.

On Sunday, I woke up and was so tired!  I knew I had to push through the tiredness though because I had cheer tryouts at 4:00.  I stretched, warmed up my tumbling, jumps, the dance, and cheer.  My mom had to go get me a new white nike top because I had lost mine.  Then when she got back with the top and I realized that I lost my navy shorts too!  Then she had to go back to the store and buy me those.  I was so nervous at this point because I was in the car on the way there.  When I got there we warmed up and had to go sit in teh locker room to wait our turn.  I was number 30 which I thought was a lucky number because its even.  When I went in, it wasn't nerve racking at all!  I thought I did a great job and so did everyone else.  When I got home I ran to go check the website to see who all made the team…I MADE IT!  I was so relieved and can't wait to get to have an amazing experience this year being a cheerleader.

Fake Boyfriend

This week I started reading Fake Boyfriend.  My friend Taylor recommended this book to me.  So far, it is a typical chick flick book; which is what I enjoy the most!  The main characters are Vivi, Shawn, Isabelle, Lane, and Curtis.  The main girl is Isabelle I think because her boyfriend just broke up with her right before Prom, and so far everything revolves around her.  Her boyfriend and her have been off and on for years apparently.  Shawn (her boyfriend) is described as not good enough for her and a bad boy.  He skips class and likes to party a lot.  Isabelle is the complete opposite, she is valedictorian, preppy, loves school, and has a future.  I feel like you see this in a lot of books and movies.  It’s always either the cheerleader and football player or a girl that’s way too good for the guy. 

When Shawn broke up with Isabelle a month before the Prom I thought about how hard it would be to find another date.  I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have another close guy friend to bring her, so I’m kind of worried for her!  I’m predicting that her friends will create a fake boyfriend on the internet for her because of the name of the book.  Then she will want to bring him to the prom and it will cause a lot of controversy.

150 minutes 1-87 

Everyday a Friday by Joel Osteen

This week I didn't have time to run to Barne's and Noble to get a new free reading book, but I needed to read for 150 minutes.  I looked in my bookshelf of my books, but I had already read all of them.  I decided to go borrow one of my mom's books.  I found Everyday a Friday, and decided to pick it because I like to read books that give advice and thought it would be interesting to see how to make everyday a Friday.  This book is actually really good, and I will probably continue to read it because it has given me advice that I would really like to try to apply to my life.  I thought I should share some things I have learned so far to whoever is reading this for everyone to see what this book is about and get to learn some daily things you can do to be happier.

One story that the author told was about a 92 year old man that was blind.  His wife had just passed away, and he didn't want to live alone, so he decided to move into a senior home.  On the morning of the move, he had a Taxi pick him up and take him to the senior home.  Once he got there, a lady came to show him his new room.  As they were walking to the room, the lady started to describe the room in lots of detail.  In the middle of the description, the old man interupted her and said, "I love it. I love it. I love it."  The lady said, "Sir were not there yet.  You havent seen it.  Hold on a minute, and I'll show it to you."  The man said, "No, you don't have to show it to me.  Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged.  It depends on how my mind is arranged.  Happiness is something you decided ahead of time."  This story really helped me to see that you decide if your happy or not, and you can't just wait around for someone to make you happy.  Everymorning you need to wake up and decide that today you are going to be happy and that something good is going to happen to you today.  Don't let yourself only be happy on the weekend; be happy the whole week because if you don't you have just wasted a day.

150 minutes 94 pages

Track

This week Trinity, Taylor, and I joined track.  We are very excited about it because we love to try new things!  On the first day we tried high jump.  It didn't really work out that well.  We were with really good people who had been doing high jump for years.  It was amazing how high they could go.  We tried as hard as we could to be good at the high jump, but it didn't work.

The next day we tried sprinting, and it worked out a lot better.  I think we will stick with that.  We won't be able to go to track for a while though because of preparing for cheer tryouts.  Today we are going to tumbling, so we won't be able to go to track today.  All of next week we will be at cheer clinic, so we won't be able to go next week either.  People will probably expect us to quit track, but we are going to proove it to them that we will stick to it!

Nervous Conditions 4

This week we read chapters 8, 9, and 10.  In chapters 9 and 10 Nyasha's anorexia and bullemia just goes down hill and gets worse.  Tambu leaves her to go to Sacred Heart (which is a boarding school, so she is away from Nyasha).  This causes Nyasha's condition to get worse since she has no one to tell her problems to or help her with her problems.  I think she starts to be bullemic because that is her way of dealing with the issues she has.  No one notices her condition except Tambu.  But Tambu didn't know it was this bad because she was away at Sacred Heart.  When she came home to the mission to visit, she was terrified at how much thinner nyasha was.  Tambu says she had even grown skeletal.  She also said her arms were, "so frail they looked as though they would snap if she so much as picked up a pen."  She also would stay up all night studying even though it was her vactation.

Nyasha seems sort of psychotic when before and during her scene.  She asks to get in bed with Tambu, but when tambu rolled over she says she just wanted to see if she would let her.  I'm kind of confused by why she did this.  Then she sits on the bed and starts talking very broadly using the words they and it to where the reader doesn't exactly know who or what she is talking about.  You have to look very closely to see, and I think she is talking about the English because she is talking about how they took them away and how they changed them.  Then she talks about how she is evil and won't die which is pretty scary when I imagine it in my head.  The Tambu says, "she crouched like a cat and was ready to spring."  That is when I knew something bad was goig to happen.  She has her scene and tear things up and rips things, but then she starts to get quiet.  She tells Babamukuru, "I don't hate you daddy.  They want me to, but I won't."  This sounds like a scary movie when the child is saying he or they when talking about a ghost or the devil.  I think that that is how we know that the english are bad and brain washing.  I still don't see why the english would want Nyasha to hate Babamukuru though.  If anyone knows the answer, please comment.

Cheer Tryouts

Cheer Tryouts are approaching fast; tryout week starts March 12.  They are many things I need to do to prepare for tryouts.  I need to work on my flexibility, jumps, tumbling, and strength.  I have been stretching every night for my jumps, and the first night I started stretching I realized that I was very tight and should have been stretching the whole off season.  I have also been practicing my tumbling by going to privates and on the trampoline.  I can do a round-off back handspring back handspring.  I have also been practicing my jumps in my back yard. 

I can’t wait for Tryout week, so I can see who all shows up.  Supposedly there are some u-high girls who want to switch to Episcopal, but we don’t know for sure yet.  There are also a lot of incoming freshman trying out I think.  I’m kind of worried that I might not make it, but since I was on it last year and have done competitive I think I have a good chance of making it again.  I’m really excited to get back into cheer (if I make it) because I miss going to practice and my team.  Hopefully I make it because being apart of the cheer team is something I don’t want to miss out on.